Becca glitter kitty pants' Journal
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Becca glitter kitty pants' LiveJournal:
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| Friday, April 8th, 2005 | | 8:41 pm |
ha! i'm updating it! can you believe it? this is my dream from last night
steve (my boy toy) and i were in a parking lot parking (weird, eh?) the car at this christian place. we were gonna stay there to make fun of them maybe? i only think this because as we were parking, i made some comment about how they were freaks. well, there were two leaders there (i think it was some sort of cult) waiting for us in the parking lot. they somehow heard the comments i had said inside the car. they still lead us inside... by the way, they were blind. turns out every single person there was blind. in the room we were staying in, there was a door. if you turn the lock one way, the door opens on one side and opens on another side if you turn it the other way. so depending on how you turned it, you would end up in a different room. i was super curious about what was behind there, and i had seen people go through. so i was about to open it when the whole thing turned into a movie i was watching. so the person who was me opened the door, and i saw a look of horror on her face. then it panned to the blood-covered walls, and a man on the floor (whoever was playing steve) covered in blood. beside him was one of the leaders, and he said to "me" that it was my turn to become blind, because one can only truly see god and let him into your life is one is blind. the person on the floor was alive, but was given some poison that would make him blind. so it was done to me (i couldn't get away) and then it showed me walking happily with the other cult members. i believe they were all atheist before they were forced to become blind. | | Friday, September 17th, 2004 | | 12:20 pm |
| | Sunday, September 5th, 2004 | | 12:53 am |
hmm has it been a while since i have updated? i use my other site so much, and i guess i know anyone can stumble upon this one. well, i don't know who will stumble upon this who isn't already in the know, but basti died two days ago :( so that's a huge life-altering event. the way i try to think about it is that when one thing ends, a new begins. so, we'll see. i had basti since pre-school. my classes this semester seem all right. one seems particularly challenging, but i'm up for a challenge. also considering all the crap that went down my last semester at CWRU yet i still got As and Bs. whoo! i miss my cwru people so much, well most, and i would have definitely gone back except for the whole thing with my mom. so no money=no cwru peeps. sucks since i'm not digging the CSU crowd. i wanna meet a good friend there dangit! and the honor society i'm in along with the gay lesbian and straight alliance, AND this theatre group thing all have their meeting at the times when i am at work. so aside from not being friends with too many people there, and not being able to immerse myself in the student organizations, i'm on the dean's list, and i have lindsey and iris there. go lamaz!! oh, i have been hanging out at CWRU lately, so if you're there, tell me where you're staying, and i'll try to stop by. i visited shezza, but she had left her room :( ooh i hung out with the old gang last night, which totally rocked. i love when emily comes into town! and i got to talk to iris who i never see. fun times! oooh and fun pics too... word of advice, always bring a camera when hanging out with friends... makes for great blackmail. aww don't worry guys, i would never do that. once you see the pics though, you'll think "oh, that's right, i was drinking that night before those were taken" hehe but emily's came out the funniest anyway! steeeeeeeeeeeeeeve get back from china! i miss that boy, and he's in tibet right now on vacation for a week and a half, so i can't even talk to him online. this makes me a sad panda. when he gets back, we'll play house for a bit, and go to cali for a few weeks. we'll be in san fran for a few days... any suggestions for what we should do there? i know it's an awesome city, but i know nothing about it. ok, i can probably ramble on for another hour, so.... | | Sunday, July 11th, 2004 | | 5:46 pm |
blah, this week was supposed to be so fun, so was yesterday, it's all falling apart so fast. other stuff is really depressing me too. maybe i'll just take tons of pills and sleep through this week | | 2:50 am |
steve has been in china for a month now, and i'm doing a lot better than i expected. nothing like the last time when i was a wreck right after he left. i get to talk to him every single day, so that probably has helped. then he'll come back, and we'll live together, and then move somewhere. but i really love cleveland :( i feel safe here. haha ok, let's just forget about the events that took place two years ago, and the one that occured a block away from my house that will probably leave me fucked up forever. those don't qualify as "safe". but i don't consider east cleveland safe. getting mugged at gun point and car-jacked at noon on euclid... fun times i tell ya. i grew up in cleveland hts, which is perhaps one of the most diverse neighborhoods in america. i went to school with all sorts of people, and never once feared black men like my extended family does. i did the math (i'm a geek), and i think it was only .1% of black men who are criminals. or maybe that was black people, or maybe that was black male murderers... oh who knows. damn media trying to brainwash people. jen and i always discuss how diverse this area is, and how artistic. it's so true. at the library, i see every single type of person, and there's tons of art, and tons of things for the community to enjoy. ooh i heard the dobama is moving across from the library. which reminds me, tonight i almost met a director at the theater. he was going to be at a party. i was going to network, and i bought 3 outfits for this damn party. jen and i drove there, and then realized (well, we had an inkling) that all of the people there were much older men (all gay too, but we knew that!), so we got scared and ran away. so much money wasted :( i loathe money. i took next week off; it was to be my first time off from work ever... see originally, i was going to visit my best friend, but that feel through :( then i decided to keep the time off since i've been so high strung, and i work 7 days a week. so then jen and i made all these awesome plans, and now those fell through. on top of that, i'm now working on monday. i... volunteered. god, kill me now. hmm i'm atheist. at least i won't have to work with customers. i'll be in the back room sensoring clothing. oh our shrink report came back and we're not a target store anymore! may i just say that i hate shoplifters. because of them, i was interrogated, and work was made hell for many of us. make some honest money and BUY what you want, bitches and hoes. oh funny story about shoplifting. i went to tj maxx (love that it's 1 mile from my house) and found a really cute army green industrial looking skirt. i decided it needed a chain (ya know, one that connects from a D ring to the back), so i decided that i was going to steal one. they're never sold anywhere anymore, and if i took it, no one would ever know since tj maxx only has one of just about everything anyway, so no one would know there was supposed to be an attached chain in the first place. my skirt had a d ring but no chain, so it is the fashion. anyway, i meandered around the store, and came across only one thing with a D ring. it was a silver heavy satin mini-skirt with 3 zippers running up it. they all completely unzip. how could i not buy it?! oh and it's made by guess and retails for $68, but i got it for 80% off. it was fate i tell ya. i never would have found it if i had not been looking for a chain. i also never would have looked at the size 3 clothing. but hey, it fits. i'm a size 3 at so many stores now, it's weird. i've bought 3 size 3 skirts this week. ooh and a gorgeous size 2 dress. vanity sizing much?? ok, so off i go on yet another tangent... hippity hop... i was going to wear a black sheer and lace shirt tonight, with a black small lacey camisole under it (trust me, it looks amazing, and it came as a set. BCBG would never steer me wrong, would they? it was a $170 set, so i hope not. NO fool, i got it for 90% off, so hush!) anyway, under that i was going to wear a black sports bra, but it doesn't look like one. it covers 4 inches of skin and has spaghetti straps. it's quite fetching. to finish off the ensemble, i was going to wear a short black skirt with a couple pleats. such an awesome outfit. then i googled the hosts of the party, and realized i was making a mistake. these guys are huge in the gay community, and one is the director of the stonewall democrats... so i got a black knee lenth tube dress with embroidered flowers, and a sequin in the center of each. so charlotte york. very classy. i even did my hair... oh well. i realized that i'm addicted to 80s night at the phantasy, and could probably dance all hard to 80s for 10 hours straight. good cardio!! but i don't know the next time i'll get to go :( and that's where my modified people are. god, i should shut the hell up. by the way, i eat too much junk, i think i had 4000 calories today. not that it matters or anything. aww you're still reading my prattle, i'm flattered :) oh! i got an awesome dayglo green/yellow cordouroy mini skirt! it kicks so much ass. i love clearance sales and tj maxx. no, i never buy anything retail. why pay why pay why pay retail? do i have that commercial stuck in your head? good. since i love you so much, i've included a photo of my skirt  it's almost 4 am :( Current Mood:  awake | | Tuesday, July 6th, 2004 | | 2:34 pm |
thoughts on being straight edge, scandalous clothing, and a fun story
straight edge-it's such a convenient term, but i hate how it's connected to a scene. i seem like some little poseur-i'm gonna start doing all this stuff in 5 years or when my friends start doing it-i hope everyone thinks i'm cool person when i say it. it has nothing to do with anyone else, and has nothing to do with a scene. i need a new convenient term! anyway, i don't drink, smoke, or do drugs, and i'm currently celibate. i get asked my reasons for this choice: i like clarity. i seem like i'm on everything when i'm not, so why be on anything? i can have the most fun cracked out time without doing any of that. i respect my body (ok, i eat junk food, and that's horrible, but i still think the other things would have a worse effect). i've seen what it does to people, and the horrible choices they make. i've seen it destroy lives and kill. i have an addictive personality, so why even start? now i have been called judgemental for this, but how am i judgemental? i don't preach to anyone. it's just how i choose to live my life. i know so many people, and maybe one or two have made the same decision i have. so i'm judgemental of my best friends? no. moving on. scandalous clothes. they're cute! i started wearing them in middle school (yeah, somehow i was able to get into the chamber/phantasy back then, and i don't remember how... so it's been 9 years there. i feel such a connection to that place). and up until a couple years ago, i had no problem wearing a fishnet shirt with just a bra under it. i did it several times actually. there's all this stuff that i wanna wear again, especially since i look better than i think i ever have (hard to think that i've lost over 40 lbs in the last year). i just can't get the guts to wear it all. it might be a completely dated look now, i dunno. but i tried on a red bra with a black fishnet shirt over it, and it was awesome. hmm what do you think? ok, now the story i wrote (haha i wrote it before all the straight edge stuff, no it's not me being judgemental, it was just a silly story i came up with once because i was bored): so there was this blowfish named ben, and he was lonely, because the sea is a lonely place. he grabbed on to a fisherman's bait (purposely!) and the second he was out of the water, he leaped and hid in the boat. it was so fast that the two fishermen (father (38) and son (10) didn't see where ben went. they couldn't find him, so they assumed he went back into the water. they got home, and went to eat what they had caught that day. ben was amazed he could breathe outside of the water. he went to the grocery store and bought lots of gin. then he went to the bank and got a credit card. he bought strippers, and served them gin. then he went to a gay bar, and fooled around with 3 of the guys. he caught 2 stds, and decided that life under the sea wasn't as complicated, or disgusting as it is on land. he'd rather be lonely than depressed about his stds and how shallow he had become. sick of his tawdry lifestyle, he went back into the sea, and magically his stds were gone... well, he thought. he died 2 months later. but he died happy | | Wednesday, June 16th, 2004 | | 6:45 pm |
this weekend will be funtastic! on friday i'm going to twist for the pride after party. i'll be going with jen, and we're going to be canvasing the place getting people to register to vote and sign the marriage ammendment thing. i finally get to go to a gay club! steve says i can pick up gay men and give them lap dances, and i didn't even have to ask! hehe he's so silly. then on saturday night, i'm going to my first drive-in! i'll be going with my library posse! i lurve them. we be so nerdy, yo. it best not be raining saturday night, or i'll have to bust a cap in someone's ass, word, represent. we're gonna bring a ton of food, and it will be so clash. ok, by how i'm talking, am i a teeny bopper, gangsta, or emo girl? haha slang and funny dialect is fun. i talked to syb today! whoohoo! i like syb a lot/she is now a bartender/and she loves her mom---i wrote you a haiku syb, do you feel special? | | Monday, May 3rd, 2004 | | 9:59 am |
anyone ever noticed that i suck at updating this? that would be since i have another web page where i post a blog type thing and the address to that is http://iam.bmezine.com/?rebeccastar this is a membership site, so they might only let you look at the main page of the site. my account there is about to expire, so i either pay or... well i'll have to pay at some point, because i can't imagine abandoning it since i've had it since 2000. i've been so stressed out lately. i believe it's because of school, because once i get a good grade back, my back pain/chest pain/difficulty breathing/headaches subside. so that's a good sign, and i won't have to go to the emergency room like i thought i would have to the first time it happened. that's the first time stress has affected me in such a manner. the first time it happened a couple weeks ago, i got a sharp pain in my back, then my heart started hurting, then i couldn't move... needless to say, i was VERY scared. i started picturing myself in a coma, and then i started hoping my mom would call work and school and tell them what happened. anyway, that was the worst one i had. i would experience this every single day after, but not to that intensity at all. anyway, it stopped when i got back my term paper last week with an awesome grade on it. the highest in the class i do believe. whoomp whoomp. so finals are upon us, and i'm scaaaaaared. mainly because my grades are pretty good and i'm scared that finals could change that. i'm really shooting for straight As. my goal is to get in to every honor society at school by invitation. so far i've been inducted into one. steve is leaving in about a month and i'm dealing by not thinking about it. seriously, what's the use in stressing when i could be having the best time with him this month. i'm going to try to get as many hours as i can at work this summer, so that i can at least make money since i won't have a social life anyway. of course that money will be going in to my savings account, because saving is fun and it makes me a responsible individual who will hopefully never need a credit card. by august, i hope to have 2.5 years of rent saved up in case i can't work. haha now i'm sure this won't be the case, but it's fun to think of what i can do with the money. my mom is not doing well at all, so that also makes things stressful. none of the millions of doctors can figure out what's wrong, and she's gotten every test there is including visits to every specialist. it seems to be getting worse and i can't see her in this condition. i keep hoping she'll be able to return to work... but it's been 4 years and she's 200% worse than she was 4 years ago. she's trying to make herself better, which is good. i keep forcing her, and i feel weird because i'm acting like her mother. of course there's no way to know if there's anything she even can do to make herself better, but it's definitely worth a shot | | Tuesday, February 3rd, 2004 | | 9:48 pm |
yeah, i only have two friends
yeesh. i still call people my best friends, but i never see them or talk to them. i'll go out of my way to make i see them or sometimes i won't really put much effort into it at all. it always will work out the same anyway. "we've gotta hang out, i'll call you" yeah right. so when these people hang out with others, is it because none of it was their own doing and the person had to drag them? i don't get it, i really don't. i've given up. i know i haven't been calling anyone, but what's the point. seems like it's all one-sided. | | Sunday, December 21st, 2003 | | 9:22 pm |
whoohoo, 8 dvds for $50!! legally blonde, edward scissorhands, labyrinth, donnie darko, buffalo 66, ghost world, igby goes down, and one hour photo. the store is going out of business this saturday :( i'm sad because they had great prices, but happy that i got some great dvds for cheap | | Wednesday, December 10th, 2003 | | 6:56 pm |
i'm updating this mofo
wow, long time no see. everything is super great, but i'm pigging out on peanut butter m&ms, shame! i believe i aced my gov't final yesterday, so hopefully i'll get an A in there. i have over a 100% in the class i'm taking a final in tomorrow, so i only need a 55% to get a 94% in that class. i should be studying anyway, but eh F&^% it. in my other class, i didn't have a final, instead i had a research paper and powerpoint presentation. the surprising thing was that i actually enjoyed doing the presentation, and the paper wasn't too horrible. we only have 100 points total in that class and she's a VERY tough grader (if an assignment is out of 10, she'll give out .25/.5/.75 ex: 8.25) so that hurts my grade a bit. the best i could possibly do is get an A-... oh i hope i do! yep, school is going damn well. also, my grades are good because i have gotten full attendance points in my classes. i actually enjoy having an 8 AM class, but it is a bit hard to be fully awake. it's not so fun waking up at 6 AM though. yeah, none of you care about any of this. over break, my goal is not to gain any weight, because they say people in general gain 5-7 lbs during the holiday season. i hope to actually lose weight... remember those peanut butter m&ms i mentioned? damn. ok, no more food tonight. i can't wait for break, because then i can finally read magazines and do fun things, but i can't have too much fun, because i have to work every day. the library is so boring, but i love when i get to do circulation, even though it had only happened once. putting away dvds is my favorite, and then tapes, but i hate putting away the kids tapes. they haven't been making me do the heathen room (childrens room), so that's good. steve is leaving on weds for a few weeks :*( but kathy is coming into town on the 20th!!! so i'll be ok. steve tried to make me eat boogers today and even told me they taste like sesame chicken... but that didn't work! | | Friday, October 10th, 2003 | | 11:02 pm |
i haven't updated this thing in a while, i know. anyways, i'm so livid. i haven't talked to steve since monday grrr. i seriously thought he could be dead. so anyway he was online today and we had a conversation that upset me. i mean we live close by so why do i only get to see him a few times a month? ok, i know why and i've been so understanding about that. so when school gets out for the holidays, it seems like it would be a good time to get to see each other, but no. he wants to stay in cali, but his brother is going back early so that he can be with his gf. so i got upset with steven and i told him to call me tonight and it's 11 pm and no call. obviously, there won't be one. so now we haven't talked on the phone since monday and that's just dumb, because hello, we've been together for almost 3 years and we're supposed to be in a real relationship, but obviously someone doesn't care much. i think we should be talking every day. and yes, i have been trying to reach him. so will i see him tomorrow, the only the he would possibly be able to see me? who the hell knows at this point. who knows if he'll ever call again | | Tuesday, June 3rd, 2003 | | 8:17 pm |
| | Saturday, May 31st, 2003 | | 11:29 pm |
there are so many things i would love to write here. there are things that are REALLY irking me, but ya know what? i can't write down any of it. unfortunately, these journals are widely accessible, so the wrong people will read it. but what if i talk about these people and they do read it... maybe that would be a good thing, since i can't talk to any of them anyway, since one in particular hasn't called me back since i left her a message on the 28. i could get my point across by letting them know how ticked off i am at them, when they probably have no clue, because they're so into their own little world. so maybe it's become a little more clear who i'm talking about, although it's really 3 people. one of those people would never guess, but i'm sure even if i said his name here, he still wouldn't understand since he's a complete moron who is oblivious or is in complete denial. i don't give a damn about this person, but dumb people tick me off (forgive me ending a sentance with a preposition). especially dumb people who morph into other people and don't even realize it. when you start talking like a complete pussy and sounding like the most whipped thing in the world, then yeah that's lame. i guess it's really just one person who has me completely ticked off and it's not the last person i talked about. anyway, i had an awesome day today. kathy and i went to a book sale and then to see iris at her work. she took a break and we all chilled for a while, which was really cool, considering i haven't talked to her in forever. hopefully, i'll see her a lot more. i saw her yesterday at starbucks along with katrina, someone i haven't seen since high school. i heard a lot of VERY interesting gossip, which has me completely shocked. sometimes you think you know people, and they're just one bog lie. everything about that individual is a lie. last night i also ran into another friend from high school at que tal. it was funny, because her dream was to graduate high school, get breast implants and become a stripper. i was kinda sad she didn't follow her dream :*( hehe turns out she applied at applebees as did iris, so now i wanna work there, because working with friends would rock. anyway, then kathy and i went back to her place and we watched this B movie called Cheerleader Camp. we were watching it so that we could see cheerleaders get slaughtered, but it seemed like there was a lot more T&A instead of gutting. the movie was so horrible. then we watched 4 episodes of sex and the city. it was fun! i miss prince grumpy-pants | | Monday, May 19th, 2003 | | 11:53 pm |
Name:: Rebecca Do you Like it?:: yes, but i kinda want something more unique like lola Nicknames:: becca, becky (for those who have a death wish) princess grumpy, moon, susan, bout it girl white, ho, bumper sticker...etc Birthday:: feb, 19, 1982 Birthplace:: cleveland, oh [Favorites] Month:: October Season:: spring and summer CD:: my kraftwerk cd i can't find Sport:: bedroom golf TV Show:: sex and the city Color:: purple and pink [This or That] Coke/water:: water Day/Night:: day is happy, night is more romantic AOL/AIM::AIM, but America Online sucks anyway Jeans/khakis:: jeans Car/truck:: car, big veeHicles scare me Lunch/dinner:: dinner Silver/Gold:: silver Alchohol/weed:: neither [Love and Relationships] Do you have a BF/GF?:: yes Who was your first love?:: stevie What do you miss about them?:: well, as of this far, i don't HAVE to miss him, and hopefully it won't get that way! [The Past] What is the one thing you would've changed about your past?:: my whole school situation Last thing you heard:: drew carey Last thing you saw:: a blinking IM box (dj grendle) Last thing you said:: ass goblin Last thing you read:: i was reading about the NU bra http://www.nubra.comWhat is the last CD you heard?:: adam ant Who was the last person you laughed with?:: stevie Who was the last person you were on the phone with?:: stevie [The Present] What are you wearing?:: use your imagination ;) Who are you talking to?:: dj grendle What band are you listening to?:: drew carrey? Where are you?:: in my house Are you online?:: well no, of course not. whatever gave you that inclination? How are you feeling?:: meh, it's been a bad day, yet good too [The Future]:: What day is it tomorrow? tuesday What are you going to do after this?:: read, sleep, something Who are you going to talk to?:: myself Where are you going to go?:: nowhere fun Where will you be in 25 yrs?:: no idea :( [Have you Ever #1] Drank?:: sips Smoked?:: no Stolen?:: i stole a coupon insert from a newspaper Done anything illegal?:: the above Hit someone?:: Yes [Other] Do you write in cursive or print?:: both Are you a lefty or a righty?:: righty Do you have glasses or braces?:: nope [Physical Appearance] What do you most like about your body?:: umm hmm And least?:: everything Do you look like any celebrities?:: i've been told the mona lisa What do you notice first about a 'crush'?:: eyes [Have you ever #2] Pictured your crush naked?:: i picture steve naked all the time and just hope one day i'll have the privelage of seeing his naked body. we've been intimate for 2.5 years, yet i've never seen him naked Actually seen your crush naked?:: hehe Been in love:: yes Cried when someone died:: yes, especially kitties Drove Drunk:: no Fallen for your best friend:: no Rejected someone:: yes, many guys Used someone:: actually, i try not to do this when possible Been cheated on:: not to my knowledge [Do You] Color your hair:: yes and need to rather badly at the moment Ever get off the damn computer:: i haven't used a computer since i played games on them in school Habla espanol:: oui, mayammo juan. aqui. bonjour Dance:: used to more than i do Sing:: steve won't let me [Miscellaneous] Best friends?:: you bet Are you obsessive?:: considering that i've obsessive compulsive... Whats your favorite fruit?:: i love those fruits they turn me on, black ones, white ones, cherry striped one (sorry for some reason REVCO went through my head) What hurts the most, physical pain or emotional pain?:: emotional [Final Questions] I want:: to lose ten pounds I need:: new clothes, new haircut, new make up and a general new outlook, and to get into hollywood I wish:: to be a respected actress I love:: prince grumpy! I fear:: many things I wonder:: if um i wonder a lot of things, dude | | Sunday, May 11th, 2003 | | 11:23 pm |
Stop the FCC
the FCC is thinking about changing its regulations, which if it occurs, will make the media shelter us even more. the media will filter the news and will only report what they want us to know. of course this is already happening to a high degree, but it's about to get worse. the news should be unbiased and should depict what's happening even if it does give america a negative image. please visit this site, which explains everything very carefully. then read on, because it will tell you how to stop the FCC. there's a website you can visit that will send a message to the FCC and congress directly from you Stop the FCC | | Sunday, May 4th, 2003 | | 10:23 pm |
4 dead in ohio
so i went down to kent state today to commemorate those who lost their lives on may 4, 1970. the national guard went to kent state and opened fire on students during a vietnam protest. so we went there today and it was peaceful, then jello biafra gave a speech which was freakin awesome. but then we began marching (to protest the current war). everything was going well theoretically... no cops in plain sight, but you could see they blocked off the roads for us. i had a really bad feeling though and didn't feel safe; it just came on all of a sudden. people from business establishments we passed were cheering us on and flashing the peace sign. people outside their houses were clapping. then we started spotting empty vans, the kind used to transport criminals. they were every 5 feet... ahead of us were 300 cops in riot gear. there were only about 200 of us. they surrounded us, but i left, because there was no way i was getting injured or arrested. i stood about 50 feet away. a protester in a jean jacket started running around, screaming, and getting violent... that's when the cops started to get violent on the rest of the protestors, who were just responding to jean jacket guy... jean jacket guy was an undercover cop. lovely. the police had weird guns that looked like paint ball guns (they were NOT tear gas guns)so then the cops started arresting everyone in sight and using violent force. for no reason they would push people who were just standing there peacefully. they were even bothering people who were innocently on the sidewalk. it was ugly and so scary. i once trusted police because i was assaulted at gun point back in september, but now i fear them. so we go back to the area where the four students were shot (now a parking lot that's not in use) everything once again seems peaceful, but this police helicopter that had been following us the whole time, got really low as if it were about to land. the intention was to create a dirt storm, so we would leave. they were also saying something that was inaudible. by the way we were not violent and we created minimal disturbance with our chants. the police then said we had 10 mins to leave the campus and students had 10 mins to get inside their dorm, or everyone who was outside would be imprisoned. first of all, how can they do this to the students? second of all, is it really that appropriate to send riot-gear cops into the sacred area where those students were shot? we hauled ass out, but many stayed. what happens to those students who didn't know about the warning and were leaving the student center, would they get their ass kicked by cops? on our way out, the cops were taking our license plate number... a van pulled up filled with yet more police in riot gear. the only people left anyways were people peacefully sitting down (it became a sit-in). i don't know what happened next, but as we drove away, there were police and those vans all over the city. they freakin' bombarded kent. no place was safe. today, the police proved our point (a bit of the protesting was about cops and it being a police state) and it showed that nothing has changed since 1970. i was crying because i couldn't handle the harsh reality. it was the most disgusting scene i've ever witnessed. there were protesters there who had done about 100 protests, some were much older, but all agreed that this was the worst poice situation they have seen yet. i felt true fear. i didn't know if the cops would arrest me for no reason or if i would get attacked by the ones who should make me feel safe. i'm more jaded than before; america be ashamed | | Thursday, May 1st, 2003 | | 1:57 pm |
Twenty Years Ago.... well, i was 1. i do remember some things from a little after this time. like going to the hospital with my cabbage patch desiree and them giving her an ID bracelet like the one they gave me. i remember being given all these stickers before my surgery and i remember them putting the mask over my face... a second later, i saw the doctor who did it in outer space playing an electric guitar. it was really cool. then i wore up and my stickers were gone and i was in a white crib. i was given apple juice, but i vomited it and needed my clothes changed along with the crib. i also remember being in a crib some time ago and feeling really lonely. true lonliness/abandonment. i started crying and my parents came in Fifteen Years Ago.... i was 6. no disney movies for me. my parents were against them, so all i saw were horror movies and rated R movies. i loved nightmare on elmstreet and the shining. clockwork orange however traumatized me. my parents were getting divorced, because my father flipped out and brought a gun to my brother's school and had an affair and a child with another woman. i remember all of details of the sordid affair, as well as him kissing the other woman when my mom wasn't around. i remember the day he brandished the gun, he loaded it in front of me, then grabbed my mom and pulled her into the car. i couldn't have been happier when i heard about the divorce. then came the foster care i was in and it all goes downhill from there Ten Years Ago.... oh boy, more doom and gloom. my brother was 19 and living in a group home and he left one day to go job hunting. he never returned. a few days later, there was a knock at the door and it was a police man. he wouldn't tell me what was happening and asked to speak to someone older. my mom came home and told us the news. he was found in lake erie (many many many miles away from where he was supposed to be job hunting). this was actually where my life took a turn, for some strange reason. the depression disappeared and i became a much happier person and made a lot of really good friends Five Years Ago.... i was in a true clique in high school. i had just gotten my kitten, ashley and was so (and still am) enamored with her. i had a new best friend (she's still my best friend), but was still good friends with my old best friend, and we did really awesome things. in august that year, we went to a human league/howard jones/culture club concert. anyway, it was a pretty good time, except that there was some racial problems-apparently some girls had a problem with white girls and started harrassing me, because i was white. they tried to mug me... but really, they were super pathetic and stupid and all you could do was pity them. a year later, one of the girls forgot i was the one she had harrassed and started a friendly conversation with me One Year Ago.... i had just gained a lot of weight. my body changed, because i was no longer a kid. darn metabolism. i was kinda depressed, because classes weren't going well, but really, i don't remember things being so bad. then the summer came along and things got out of control and really messed up. i was so depressed, because i had stopped taking my meds and well, i don't even wanna discuss it any further Yesterday.... work was kinda long and boring. some interesting things happened, which i described below. i made a lot of mistakes. one problem was that i was supposed to leave at 2, and at my work we don't have time cards or anything, so i was only going to get paid until 2. i was there until 2:05, because i was finishing the small project i was working on. then once i finished, a customer came up to the counter. i don't know why one of the managers didn't come up to help. so i had to process this long return that just got messed up because i was hurrying. i left and a manager took care of it. steve came over and we watched tv and it was nice Today... hehe i've been lazy. i'm sitting here in my PJs watching TV and typing. at 7 PM i will watch blind date, because i'm lame like that! Tomorrow i'll go to work and wear my faux suede hoody. why why why you ask? ok, you probably didn't ask, but you might wonder why i mentioned it. we're supposed to be promoting our terry cloth. there's no way i'm gonna spend 50 bucks for work clothes for one day when i won't make nearly that much that day, so i'm wearing the suede instead. i'll go to stevie's and sleep over there and everything will be wonderful | | Saturday, April 5th, 2003 | | 9:15 am |
i am seething with anger
i hated my job and had many good reasons to do so. i thought i would get to speak to someone about them and i could help them improve the work place, because no one else is happy either. i quit yesterday. i came in this morning at 5:30 in the morning as a favor to the place i worked and i was gonna work tomorrow as well. i did mention to my co-workers that i wanted to leave (because hey, i freakin hate the job), no i didn't do it in front of the customers. i was there today for the customers and the business. so i get told the owner is on the phone for me. i thought it was a courtesy call asking why i was leaving and hoping i wasn't going etc. ok so first thing he says is "what's your problem?" i thought he meant why i was leaving and there were customers there, so i said "the job was never explained to me and it wasn't what i was expecting (apparently the job was never explained to my co-workers either. i guess they learned no one would accept the job if it were)" then out of no where he starts yelling at me and asking why i'm disrespecting the customers and not helping them and why i've just been sitting there saying i wanna quit instead of working. WTF?!!!!!!! he caught me too off guard, so i couldn't even get into the fact that i was there for the customers and all i've been doing is helping them. of course he wasn't even there, so he didn't know what was going on and i would love to know how he got this impression. well, then there was his next comment "why don't you quit" i told him i already did and i thought he knew that, which is why i thought we were having the conversation to begin with (i didn't say that tho). so he told me to clock out and leave. none of this was said nicely and i only said one or two words because i was caught so off guard. i was extremely nice to him and you know what i did after he said that? i went back to helping customers instead of leaving. but i couldn't do that because i started crying. i've never had anyone be that disrespectful to me. i was helping his fucking business by being there when i didn't have to and i'm extremely nice to the customers. so i left. how the hell can he even say any of that to me without being there and knowing how i was behaving or what was going on? i think all that happened was that my co-worker called him and said i was unhappy and wanted to leave, and he himself blew it all out of proportion. well, he lost a customer for life. hello, if im not an employee anymore, i'm still a customer, right? and i worked last night, even when i had to wake up at 4 this morning. last time i do anyone a favor | | Wednesday, March 26th, 2003 | | 10:03 pm |
i hope there is peace soon and i really hope no more innocent civilians are killed. the troops are doing their job and doing what they believe in. they're defending their beliefs, the same as the protestors. so i wish them well. that is one good thing about america, we can have our beliefs no matter how diverse they are. so yes, i'm proud to be from america. no, i don't like the president and it is hard when there are so many opposing views, but i just have to remember that their right to believe whatever is the same as mine, so rock on everyone and try to see things from a positive perspective |
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